"I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.."
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." - "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
Car Dealer "I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before." - "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week." - "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings." - "My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle." - "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact." - "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
Car Dealer "The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him." Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert." - "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
Car Dealer "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car." - "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
Car Dealer "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." - "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
Car Dealer "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car." - "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." - "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again" - "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment." - "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
Car Dealer "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." - "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before." - "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident." - "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." - "The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk." - "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him." - "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."
Car Dealer "The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing." - "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.."
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." - "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."